Keeping your sexuality secret because you're afraid of being harassed or discriminated against by their family, friends and others is a common approach by people who are thinking of ‘Coming Out'. The problems of dealing with the preconceptions of others is a difficult matter, but being gay isn't good or bad, right or wrong, it's just the way it is. Hiding your sexuality can create more problems than it is worth.

Breaking free from the constraints placed on a person by society, culture, history and the law, telling people that you are not straight, but gay, lesbian or bisexual, has been referred to as ‘coming out.' Many people in today's society have a more liberal acceptance of such groups; however it is still very difficult for the person concerned to be honest and frank about their sexuality, which within its own essence is often a very private matter.

If you decide to come out and tell others around you of your sexuality it is important to carefully consider what it will mean to you. For many people, coming out, has meant great relief and joy, but for others only pain and distress so it is important to weigh the situation, for your own personal circumstances, and it might be helpful to consult with a counsellor or help groups, if you are undecided. Some gay and lesbian young people come out simply because they're proud of who they are and want people to know, others simply want to be themselves to do everything that straight people take for granted.

It is very important to realise that you are not a social outcast, that you only have a difference in sexual preference, and that you have the same rights to be whoever you want to be, just like every member of the community. It is vital to believe in yourself and to be clear about the way that you feel.

Some common pointers to help you:

Carefully consider how coming out will affect you and don't bow down to pressure from others. It's your life, your decision and you have to live with the consequences.

Not everyone will have the same reaction so be prepared for all eventualities even an adverse response from someone who you believed would cope differently.

Never loose sight of your own self-worth and self-esteem and if you are rejected by someone consider whether the relationship was really worth while in the first place. It is often the case that you only find your true friends, who will take you for what you are, in times of hardship.

Plan the way you will come out. Confrontation is not necessary, it may be that you can drop subtle hints that will make your friends and associates aware of your situation, and give them time to get use to the idea, however if you choose to come out in a blaze of glory, the choice is yours. One of the most important things is not to use your sexuality as a weapon to hurt or shock someone close to you, but to consider the feelings of others, just as you have looked at yourself. Make sure you have a clear head, staying away from alcohol and other substances, because you will have to answer questions, and it is better that you can answer them honestly, clearly and concisely.

Be aware that as soon as you make the first steps that the news will spread, but the facts are that you are the same person that you were yesterday, the only difference is that you are being honest with yourself and others.

Make use of the helpful links which are attached to this page if you feel that you need help, support or further guidance.